3 dependable ways to combat rising gas prices - humor
I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the fresh spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from deep about the irregularity of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have categorical to try to help you get because of this disaster by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of course, the most clear solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won't affair that at in progress gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2. 51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.
Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have chairs I need to go-like work. And the kids have discipline and soccer practice. And then there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and banquet at the Richardsons and blah blah blah and. . . . " Ok, I get the point. Not all can sit about the house characters not-so-funny articles and pointed the Internet for Drew Barrymore photos like me. I fully be au fait with that some of you have a life. But just since you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't get around. The answer?
It's seems so clean now doesn't it. In its place of using your gas-Use A big shot Elses! Have a big name else pay $5. 50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make a big cheese else dip into their retirement fund just so they can cover the gas bill looked-for to get you to the company and back everyday. Make a big name else get a agree with job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It's so simple.
Of course, the conception at the back of carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a average carpool situation you would in the long run be mandatory to use your car and spend your money dynamic others around. But this is not a Average Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Circumstances (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by creation it so that the other carpool participants would fairly walk barefoot on 120 degree tarmac than ride with you. You accomplish this by:
(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the district landfill.
(b) Have the worst behaved child in your breed meeting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/she is constantly superhyper.
(c) Litter to chat about something in your car apart from your spouses bad swim habits, in person fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.
(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!
You shouldn't have to worry about anybody imperfect to ride with you ever again.
3. Ride the Bus/Subway
Many cities have a mass transit coordination that is an alternative to compelling your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn't have one don't worry-you can always move. Of course, riding civic haulage does have a few drawbacks, but these can be by a long way overcome if you be a consequence these austere guidelines:
1. No be of importance what happens never, ever make eye commerce with anyone. Assembly eye associate is an incitement for someone to mug you.
2. No be of importance what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an enticement to mug you.
3. No affair how tempted you are never, ever arrange up a discussion with the being meeting next or crosswise from you. This is very aggravating and can be taken as an invitation for a big cheese to mug you. Or worse, for a big cheese to talk back.
4. Constantly make sure you are alert to get on and off at the right stop. Receiving off at the wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.
5. Never, ever take family with you on civic transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Kids make you convinced mug victim material.
Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from payments twice your car's Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your links are complaining and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to just sit back and smile, comfort since the issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in arrival as a simple thank you next time you see me. Just make sure we're not on the bus. I'd hate to have to mug you. . .
Tim Ward invites you to visit http://www. timward. 1afm. com to subscribe to his humor discourse 'I Never Said I Was Normal'.
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